I cannot pinpoint the exact moment in time when I became conscious of the fact that I was becoming very attentive of what was going on around me politically. Don’t get me wrong, I listened to news on the radio and television, I read the papers. I just wasn’t concerned then, as I am now. I can tell you it has been more apparent, to me, within the last 3 or four months. In the last week it has become like a headache, constantly pounding and distracting me from other things.

At first is was a little whisper in my ear here and there. When our country went to Iraq I did not want the soldiers, or the United States, to invade Iraq. Being a veteran, I couldn't finger the exact reason for my hesitation or misgivings about this particular venture our country was about to engage in. Supporting the troops, supporting the country, supporting our government was something, while questioning on occasion, you just did.

When our soldiers were first accused of torturing and humiliating Iraqi prisoners, I made a statement to a family member, "we may as well have let Saddam Hussein remain in control of Iraq", not knowing that Senator Kennedy had made a similar statement on the news that morning. (I had been at work all day so had no idea this same thought had been voiced by others). I was accused of being a liberal. Has happened to me before. In this particular instance, I didn't think it was exactly a "liberal" idea. I felt, in my own heart, that it was an idea of justice, fairness, and playing the game by the rules. I also felt the conduct of these soldiers was in violation of the Geneva Convention. I still do. I had no idea, nor the foresight, to see that in the very near future, the rules of the Geneva Convention would be tossed aside.

Later news provided information about our government conducting wiretaps and surveillance on journalists, civilians and anyone they thought might be a person possibly engaged in terrorist activities without going through the proper channels and obtaining warrants. Telecommunications companies helped in several areas of this disagreeable practice according to those in the know. President Bush is in the process of appealing decisions handed down by court systems in the United States declaring these activities unconstitutional.

President Bush has now signed in to law, H.R. 6166. This bill allows the establishment of military tribunals. Why does this make me shudder? Because it sounds so "communistic", like something from the third world or a country run by a dictator? Because I feel it leaves the door wide open for our own soldiers to be tortured more often and without hesitation? The bill permits the torture and imprisonment of anyone who might be considered a threat or "hostile" to the United States, reminiscent of stories of the U.S.S.R, China, South America and countless others and actions they took against their own citizens.

I can remember, when I first went to Germany in the early 80's, being told to report any cars with a license plate that contained a picture of a hammer and sickle. I can remember living off-base and being told to make sure to check under my car for bombs. Many air bases were being targeted or attacked at this time. I also remember the first, and only, time I saw a communist poster, while in France. I was shocked, amazed, and slightly frightened. You hear about this stuff the whole time you are growing up, never see any evidence of it and all of a sudden, there it is, staring you in the face in all it's glory, yelling out, "I really exist, I am, beware". Until that day, even with the warning about the license plate, it was an abstract idea, intangible, untouchable, unreal. You don't know how many times since I have wished I had taken that poster and kept it for a souvenir. I think I stared for five minutes, not believing what I was seeing.

I think the final pivotal moment for me, politically that is, was when I read a statement, somewhere on the web, I don't remember where, to the effect that the U.S. had, in it's efforts to end terrorism, invaded a country when we should be looking for the parties guilty of carrying out the attacks of 9/11. Who invades another country in order to find a criminal(s)? According to the sources here in the United States these attacks were carried out by a fanatical group, not the government of that country.

So, I sit here now, wondering how it is, that my country, the country I love, is beginning to feel more like the country I grew up believing to be the “evil” empire? I can now name my unease about going to Iraq but only because of the statement I read on the web. It put into words what I was unable to formulate in my own mind but now can: we shouldn’t be in Iraq because we are not there for the right reasons, the principles of freedom and justice as we know it. I hope someone is not being told to watch for license plates with a recognizable feature so it can be reported. I hope someone is not standing and looking at a poster with suspicion. I can only hope, soon, someone will not have to be told to beware of weapons in the area.